I wasn't the 'Perfect Bride'...

Emma Haigh
Oct 31
6 min read

And here's why it didn't matter!

As soon as Jeremy proposed to me, I was straight on Pinterest, immediately thinking about the big day.

Every little girl dreams of a big white wedding...right?

Every girl has her dress planned since being a teen.

Every girl has her entire day planned even before Prince Charming comes waltzing into her life... Right?

Or at least, I was convinced that's the way it was.

I thought that if I wasn't in the long white dress with the veil, I wasn't doing it right.

We got engaged in 2022, decided last year that we would tie the knot in September this year and thanks to the fact we both have Slay-DHD, didn't actually start any of the planning until January this year, much to everyone's horror.

I bought all the books, read all the articles about planning perfectly, bought notebooks and downloaded and printed all the checklists. I even started to think maybe it would be inappropriate and not bridal enough to have my split dyed hair and crazy nail art.

Things got intense in January. Looking at everything a wedding 'should' include, all the people you're 'supposed' to have, all the money you 'need' to spend, the traditions, the expectations, HOW A WEDDING SHOULD BE... I became extremely overwhelmed, the thought of planning what was supposed to be the best day of my life was making me absolutely miserable. The anxiety was crippling, I was having sleepless nights and panic attacks as it all became too much.

I started to think that maybe I actually didn't want any of it.

Cancel the entire thing.

We could just run off and elope? I'm usually incredibly head-strong, a fierce Aries with enough sassiness to sink a ship but something about planning our wedding made me shrink.

That was until we spoke to some close friends of ours who had got married in October 2024 and then went on to have a gorgeous party with friends and family in May of this year. Speaking to Lexy and Rosie completely changed my mindset. They had reduced the overwhelm by splitting the celebrations, having a very intimate ceremony and then had the most 'them' party I could have imagined. A Bridgeton themed 'Lesbiton Ball'. We wore ball gowns, ate afternoon tea and galloped about on the dancefloor to a strings duo playing Chappell Roan. Lexy actually photographed part one of our wedding at The Gilstrap in Newark with her trusty sidekick, Rosie in tow. It felt very special to be able to have some of our closest friends capture some of our most special memories.

It suddenly felt like a weight had been lifted. I started to realise that so much of a wedding isn't actually for you and your partner. So much money, massive guestlists, extravagance and in all the noise, the true meaning of the marriage is lost. Our wedding was for me and Jeremy, nobody else. It was supposed to be a celebration of everything we are as a couple, the life we have built together. A wedding is supposed to ooze with your personalities pouring out in rich abundance. As soon as I allowed myself to see our wedding as exactly that, a celebration of us, my shoulders dropped, my jaw unclenched and I WAS EXCITED.

I threw the stupid white lace, traditional rulebook off the top of a multi-storey and never looked back.

I didn't wear a long white gown with a veil.. Because, quite frankly, I didn't want to, white doesn't suit me, it's a weird tradition and I'd decided to do things my way.

I started looking at something a bit alternative. As I'm sure you'll be able to tell from taking a 2 second glance at my business, I'm a massive fan of 1950s fashion. Something about the prom dresses from that era has always had my whole heart, probably since watching Grease on repeat as a teenager, drooling over the dresses in the High School Dance scene. As soon as that seed was planted, that was precisely what I wanted to get married in, something poofy, something pastel, strapless with a sweetheart neckline.

I reached out to Annaliese from Post Pluto Bespoke, an incredibly talented seamstress who I'd stumbled across on social media earlier in the year. After a very excitable phone call, she set to work sculpting the dress of my dreams.

My lovely mum came with my for my final fitting. I knew Annaliese was talented but nothing could ever prepare me for the first time I got to try on the finished piece. The craftsmanship was second to non, the attention to detail, the way she's structured it to fit me better than anything else I had ever worn, the colours. It blew me away. I felt like a princess and I couldn't believe it was mine.

THAT is how a wedding dress should make you feel. It should scream YOU through every stitch, you should feel a million dollars and you shouldn't compromise or worry about the strict white tradition if you simply don't want it!

I had intended, as I know a lot of brides do, to try and get 'in shape' for our wedding day. And as the date rolled closer and closer and I just hadn't managed to motivate myself to go on a diet or do much exercise, I started to really panic., With just a couple of weeks to go, I was so angry with myself for not doing anything sooner. I was so frustrated with myself for not being able to muster up the focus and effort to shed a few pounds. And you know what, I genuinely believe I was upset and behaving like that purely because of what I had seen on the internet. The 'Bridal Rulebook' was rearing its ugly head yet again. I had convinced myself that I was doing everything wrong, that I would be ugly on my big day because I hadn't lost weight.

Looking back now, how completely and utterly RIDICULOUS is that?!

But I'm really grateful I managed to catch myself and give myself a good talking to. I realised, like I had with every other aspect of our wedding planning, that the only thing that mattered, literally the only thing, was the reason for the marriage. The fact that I adore that funny, kind, brilliant man more than I can even begin to put into words. I will look back on the photos from our wedding in many, many years to come and think, wow.... look how happy and in love I look. Not oh god, I really wish I'd lost a bit of weight.

You know what else I've read recently that I just find completely and utterly BONKERS? There are bridal publications encouraging brides to practice their 'soft smiles' before their big day... I'm sorry, but what even is a soft smile?! Your wedding day should be one of the most joyous, emotional, wonderful days of your life. You shouldn't have the time to be worrying about what your smile looks like! I got our wedding photos back yesterday and our photographer Milly has captured some of my most hilarious facial expressions and I have loved looking back and remembering how utterly overwhelmed I felt with happiness and love.

We ripped every page of the wedding rule book up and set it all on fire.

We did our wedding exactly how we wanted and loved every second. We danced down the aisle to Love Shack by the B-52s, sang Bohemian Rhapsody as our 'hymn' and surprised our guests with the conga as our first dance.

We jumped about on the dance floor with giant cut-outs of our cats to The Houndogs, an incredible rock n' roll band, infamous for their antics, setting fire to the symbols and climbing on the double bass.

I'll remember these pockets of joy forever.

I will remember how much we laughed, cried, smiled and danced surrounded by the people we love. I'll remember how we did it our way. Not once did I worry about how I looked or how I was smiling, if our wedding was wedding-y enough, if we'd done it correctly, what other people would think.

Because the most important thing, the entire reason for the special occasion, was how much we love each other. That's what I'll remember above everything forever and ever. How the day was the perfect representation of the life Jeremy and I are building together, how we complete each other, how I would be lost without him.

If you are planning your own wedding and maybe you're feeling overwhelmed by the 'rulebook', remember:

Be true to yourself.

You're beautiful as you are.

Think about how you'll see yourself when you look back in your 80s.

Enjoy your special day, it'll be over in a flash but your memories will last a lifetime.

All my love,

Emma x

P.S... If you're getting married soon and you want a little voice to remind you to be true to yourself and do it your way as you plan or maybe you' just want someone to give you a bit of a boost in confidence, check out my Personalised Pep Talks! I absolutely LOVE hyping people up and I can help you put your most sassiest, confident foot forward!

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